Counselling in Red Deer

Understanding Trauma and How It Affects You

Trauma is a horrible thing! Think of the #MeToo Movement! All of the women involved who for years did not have a voice and thus were not able to heal from what happened to them. Yet trauma and sexual abuse are not a women’s issue only. Men also have been sexually violated. Truly, healing from trauma begins with understanding more about what it is.

What is Trauma?

Trauma is my reaction to something that is happening to me or around me. I may be the only person reacting to what is happening in the moment. Trauma is about me and my reaction.


Types of trauma

There are different types of trauma. Trauma may be overt, meaning it is obvious. It may be covert, meaning it is subtle and not always obvious even to the person who is traumatized.  Trauma can also vary in size. It can be a little trauma (little t), meaning it was not big and not a huge deal, although it did affect me. And then there is big trauma (big T) and it did really affect me. A big trauma is a car accident, war, natural disaster, assault, or something else that is big for you. Trauma is not always a one-time event; it can also be chronic, meaning that it happens continually. Chronic trauma could be a series of little t’s. Chronic trauma can be as damaging as a big T. 

Ways we react to trauma

A person can react to trauma in many different ways. We respond in ways very much like the animals of this world. This includes flight, fight, freeze, submit, and cry.


The flight response to trauma is leaving what is going on, not wanting to be in the situation. It is a flight into addictions. The addiction being substance use, sex, pornography, gambling, overspending, gaming, or eating disorders. It may be another kind of addictive behavior. This behavior becomes an escape from engaging in life. In this case, the addiction is a way of dealing with the emotions from trauma. 

The fight response to trauma is when one wants to fight. This can be an outward fight with others such as rage, physical assault, sexual assault, or rape. It may be other aggressive behavior. It may be emotional abuse. The flight response can also be an inward fight. This may be internal emotional abuse or self-harm and possibly suicide.

Freezing in response to trauma is not being able to move. There may be anxiety and fear associated with such a response. This is frequently what happens to young children when there is nothing else they can do. It may be what happens to a woman who is not able to say “No.” Or she may not be able to make sure that her “No” is actually heard and not challenged or ignored.

Submit is accepting what happens in the moment. For a child, this may be the only option. If this becomes a chronic response, it can lead to a collapse of the spine and depression.

The cry is the voicing of one’s concern, usually being loud, though it can take many forms. This is like birds that squawk about their displeasure. 

My current reaction 

You get frustrated, angry, or reacting in a specific way. It is often your subconscious bringing up something from your past. You are reliving the past in this moment, though I probably do not realize that my past is currently driving me.  This is how unresolved trauma keeps us stuck in the same way of doing things. Thus, it prevents us from moving forward in life. 

I may be stuck in any of the responses to trauma. It may be an addiction. I keep doing the same thing—perhaps drinking. It gets to the point that I cannot quit and need more of the same thing to get the same sense of relief. I may be in freeze mode and do not want to be involved in life. It may be something else I do to cope.

Another kind of trauma—relational trauma—my unhealthy beliefs about myself

Another kind of trauma is relational trauma. It is the unhealthy beliefs that I have about myself. There may be a developmental component to this type of trauma. It happens in relation to others. This type of trauma is usually seen with important attachment relationships. The relationship we have growing up with parents or other caregivers. Although there may be issues that start later in life. How do you treat others and how do you let others treat you?  It needs to be a two-way relationship. In adult relationships, the give-and-take should be equal over time. There needs to be respect without manipulation or control.


Trauma is my reaction to what is happening in my life. The trauma could be little or big, or chronic. Your response to trauma might be to fight, flight, submit, freeze, or cry. You might experience relational trauma. The unhealthy beliefs that you have learned about yourself. Unresolved trauma drives you in what you do, even though you may not be aware of it. How do you react to trauma? What could you improve or change? Is there something you are willing to change? What will you change?


You can learn more about the author Audrey Tait.


You can learn more about trauma in the book Reflective Meditations Trilogy: Understanding My Trauma, Healing My Trauma, and Letting Go—Forgiveness.