How Trust Has Affected you

Help, I Have Trust Issues:

4 Reasons You Struggle to Trust People

Do you have trust issues? Are you someone that is always wondering if somebody is doing something that you do not like? Are you the person that is always looking over your shoulder to see if someone is cheating on you? Have you had trust issues for a while?


Are you in a relationship with another person? Is that person doing things that make you feel like you have trust issues? Are you always looking to see what they are doing because you cannot trust them?


Are you wondering why you have trust issues? Are you looking for help to find out the reasons why you may have trust issues?


This article will help you learn how trust is developed and ways it may have affected you.

1. How trust is developed

Trust is developed in the first year and a half of life. It is something that we learn before we have memories.


According to Eric Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development, learning trust versus mistrust is the first stage of life and is learned in the first year and a half of life.  


The writer, in training, has heard Dr. Patrick Carnes talk about how trust is developed. It is developed with the primary caregiver through eye contact. The primary caregiver is usually the mother.


You may or may not realize whether you develop trust as a baby or infant. It may be something that you have struggled with your entire life. It may be a new issue that you were dealing with. Trust is something that we all need to have within a safe emotional environment.

2. Has the person given you a reason not to trust?

It may be for you, that you have never learned to trust due to your early years. It may be something that you have struggled with for your entire life. 


Trust may be something that now you have to learn. It can take a long time to learn. 


To learn to trust, you will need to watch and observe others. In this process, you learn to trust the people who are consistently supporting you.


Part of this process is learning who you can and cannot trust.  Learn who you can rely on in times of need and who you cannot rely on.

3. Are there trust issues in your relationship?

In a relationship with trust issues, it may be that one person has trust issues because of how they were brought up in their early life.


This can be a problem where the person who has trust issues needs to learn how to trust. And the partner needs to help the other person learn to trust. This is a process that takes time. It may take a lot of communication.  It will also take making an emotionally safe space for both of the partners.

4. More serious trust issues

There is another issue that the writer frequently sees in couple relationships. This is where one partner can not trust the other partner.


Usually, there are unspoken boundaries in a grey zone on what is appropriate non sexually in the coupleship. 


Some things may be more obvious. Do not have intimate sex or an intimate sexual relationship unless there is an agreement to it in an open relationship.


The grey area is who can you talk to, what is an appropriate conversation with the opposite sex or another person in the relationship. How can I look at others sexually, and many other questions? These issues need conversations and boundaries for the couple.


Underline this type of issue could be a sexual addiction, sexual acting out, or illegal sexual activity. It may be what the partner is seeing is just the tip of the iceberg. For more information on sexual addiction visit this counselling page.


This is an issue that usually needs therapeutic intervention.


Trust is something that you learn early in life. When you did not learn it early in life, it may be something that you will be dealing with for a long time and it may affect your committed relationships.


If you feel as if you need help with your trust issues, perhaps counselling is the next best step. If you’re in Alberta, please contact me, Audrey Tait, to explore working together to help you learn to trust again. You can also learn more about boundaries in her book, Reflective Meditations Trilogy: Understanding My Authentic Self, Believing in Myself, Loving Myself, Plus Understanding My Boundaries.